Sharing My Darkest Secrets of 35years Brought me Love

Praise the Lord somebody. Tim, who had a chequered boyhood shared this amazing testimony with my Sister, Jana Smith, a Celebrate Recovery Minister and I can't wait to share it with someone in case it helps to bring you out of the murderous dark secrets that have become Satan's stronghold in your life. Larry 

My name is Tim. I'm a believer who struggles with codependency, sexual abuse, sexual addiction and anger.

Please read Paul's glowing words in 2 Corinthians 5:16-21 about every believer's identity as a new creation in Christ.

My dad was an automotive service manager who passion was racing stock cars. When I was four years old, I went to see him race and watched in horror and disbelief as his car exploded, resulting in his death. Over the years, I comforted myself with food, and the kids at school were cruel about my weight. When I was nine years old, I was playing in the woods with my friend. His older brother, who was lying in wait for me, raped me, warning me that if I told anyone, he would kill both my mother and me.

My mom found escape from her own pain over my dad's death in alcohol. When I was ten years old, she died of cirrhosis of the liver, leaving me an orphan. I felt abandoned and afraid. I was passed around among my relatives, and one of my cousins threatened me with a knife and sexually abused me. Eventually, when I was 12, an aunt and uncle adopted me. I was an angry, untrusting, selfish fat kid who started to get into trouble on a regular basis.

I left home when I was 19, an my behavior turned increasingly dark: I engaged in drugs and alcohol abuse and had multiple sexual encounters. I married but was unfaithful, in less than two years we were divorced. During the next 21 years I remarried, fathered three children, earned degrees, became an ordained pastor, planted a church and ran a prison ministry. My sexual behaviors continued, though, as I fantasized about women I knew and acted out in secret. I was physically faithful to my wife while having numerous mental affairs. A pastor is expected to be perfect. Who could I talk to?

After we had been married for 15 years, my wife had an affair and sought my forgiveness. But I was crushed by the pain of once again feeling abandoned, and we divorced, with me accepting sole responsibility for another failed marriage. I got involved in therapy, and God prepared me for his next step. A friend suggested that I become involved in Celebrate Recovery, but I thought he was mistaken in considering me "one of those people."

One day in a coffee shop I was reading my Bible when a man walked in wearing his Celebrate Recovery cap. He invited me to join the program, and I agreed to attend on the following Friday. I fully intended to go to the Men's Anger group, but God directed me instead to the Men's Codependency group, where I've remained ever since. I also immediately joined a men's Step Study group. God's Spirit prompted me to share my darkest secrets, and for the first time in 40 years I felt unconditionally loved.

Principle Six literally changed my life. In my heart I had always hated the individuals who had sexually abused me. but God moved me to include them on the list of those I needed to forgive. I wrote both of those men letter I knew I couldn't send, letters describing the years of wreckage and pain that had resulted from the acts they'd perpetrated against me. I explained that I was extending forgiveness to them as part of my recovery. It wasn't about them, it was all about God and me. Then, suddenly, God changed my heart. I no longer wanted these men to suffer God's wrath for what they had done to me. I had indeed become a new creation. My anger simply melted away, leaving only compassion. I began to pray, asking God to forgive them for their sins against me, and in an instant he changed my heart toward those two individuals. I had hatred for over 35 years.

During my first year of recovery, I experienced more pain and shed more tears than every before. I revisited and reopened wounds I had hoped only to bury, but in the process I began to find healing. The men in my Step Study became my lifeline. To this day we continue to hold one another accountable.

Although I thought I could never open my heart to another woman, without my knowledge a friend set up a date for me. I was incredulous. As it turned out though, Lori is the most wonderful woman I've ever known. Our friendship grew into a dating relationship, we fell in love, and in March of 2003 she became my wife. Through Lori God has taught me more about his grace and love than I've ever known before.

I no longer regret my past because God has used it to bring me to where I am today. Although I revel in being a new creation in Christ, the Lord in his infinite wisdom has used and continues to use the vestiges of my brokenness to give others strength and hope. By his grace I now have the privilege of giving back by coleading the Men's Codependency group and a men's Step Study group, as well as serving as a counselor and chaplain of recovery in a drug and alcohol treatment center. I was wrong: I truly am "one of those people." And I thank God for that fact every day.

T im

Delivered From Alcoholism

In the post below, my Sister in Christ Jana Smith recalls the testimony that a recovered alcoholic, David, gave. Having battled alcoholism from twelve years, it was a titanic battle for him to surrender to Christ. Now he is over the clouds in joy that Christ caught him like He did Jonah. Happy reading. Larry 


I started drinking when I was 12 and immediately like the way it made me feel. I wasn't comfortable with who I was and often felt as though I didn't measure up in the world around me. Alcohol made me feel like I fit in.

Since childhood my biggest desire had been to be an actor. I did manage to break into the industry and filmed 32 shows of a popular children's program. But even though my ego was inflated, I found that alcohol and drugs fit hand in glove with this new lifestyle.

By the age of 19, I was already in the middle stages of alcoholism. Some disturbing blackouts motivated me to seek help through recovery programs. I liked what I saw, but my drinking didn't yet motivate me to surrender my addiction or myself to God. In retrospect, I can see that God had been moving in my life. I just hadn't recognized it. I did, however, decide to accept Jesus Christ as my Savior.

I did well with my new spiritual foundation for several months, but I wasn't ready to let go of my drinking. In fact, a short time later I drifted away from God and drank more than ever. I had lost the ability to choose not to drink, and I felt utterly defeated as a Christian. I decided that I would play no more games and went on to drink solidly over the next five years. During this period I met and married my wife, Debbie.

Finally, in 1994, after numerous attempts at sobriety, my addiction landed me in prison, where I served four-and-a-half years of a ten-year sentence. At the beginning of my prison term I left my wife, who was eight months pregnant, alone with three small children. After all those years of dodging bullets, I had finally taken a direct hit. And I paid real consequences for my actions.

Of all the Biblical characters, I can identify most with Jonah. He ran hard from God, refusing to go to Nineveh and do God's will. Likewise, I fled in the opposite direction when God called, thinking for years I couldn't be happy doing what he intended me to do for his glory (1:1-3).

My prison time was for me the equivalent of Jonah's "incarceration" in the belly of the great fish (2:2-9). When all hope was lost and Jonah thought there was no way out, god restored him to do his work. God humbled me as well, so that I could, with his help, humble myself in repentance and gratitude (1:8-10). I had the knowledge of recovery and of God's Word, yet I had never before put either into the practice. God taught me what it means to live by faith, one day at a time. Once I stopped resisting his direction for my life, I too was able to fulfill his heart's desire - now mine as well - by ministering to others.

I gave my addiction over to God, and he has allowed my wife and me to minister, through Celebrate Recovery, to others who suffer from the same hurts, hang-ups and habits that had plagued our lives. We now have the privilege of watching God work the same miracles in the lives of others.

David

SAVED FROM CAR ACCIDENT

By Christine Cooper,
Walton Beach, Florida, USA

I must say that every day of my life is a testimony to the amazing grace, mercy, and enduring love of our Heavenly Father through Jesus Christ our Lord and Savior. I have many many wonderful testimonies to share, but the one most fresh in my mind today is what the Lord did for me this day.

My car was having some brake problems, but I did not have enough money yet to fix them and the brakes were still working to get me where I need to be in short distances only. Well today I needed to go to the store(market) and get foods for the family. I let my 5 year old nephew come with me. The closest supermarket is about 5 miles ( 8.04672km ). As I slowed down and turned into the supermarket parking lot, the brakes failed. I could not stop the car, but I was going slow and there were no other cars in my way and I was able to shift the gears and come to a full safe stop before any harm could be done. Brothers and Sisters, our God is an "ON TIME" God. Had the brakes of failed a moment earlier, when I was still on speed,  we would have been on the busy street and wrecked or could have been injured or even caused harm to other road users.

I have no doubt that Jesus had his hands on those brakes until we got to a safe place. He is always in control of the wheel in my life and I sit as a passenger. My little nephew could have been injured very bad had I  hit another car. to give you an idea of the great harm that could have occurred, it's a busy street too.

In the greatest of dangers and perils in our lives,we need not fear as even though we cannot see Jesus, he is there. Closer than the clothes on our bodies. He knows all our business and nothing is too great or too small for him to handle in our lives. Whether I am being swept away by a storm or being chased by a stinging bee, I know Jesus will be with me and help me through whatever befalls me. He is this way with all his people no matter where you are or what you are doing. I stand in awe of the goodness of the Lord. Praise the Lord!

Your Sister in Christ, Christine

JESUS AVERTS FIRE OUTBREAK

I don't know why am being reminded about this testimony but it took place some years back.

I had returned early from work because my children's nanny did not come to work. Pressed with preparing launch and the kids for Tuesday Bible Study that we call Spiritual Clinic, I hurriedly made a meal of noodles the quick way and hurried the children through their bath. Every step of the way, I was playing the Mum in the Dad's way.

Having cooked the noodles, I now realised that there was no protein in the mix. Then I put the kettle back on the fire and dropped two eggs into it. At this time the noodles were already on the table and I forgot that the eggs were still on the fire. In my thinking, they could eat the meal first and then the eggs would be ready by the time they'd finished with their meal.

Poor me. I forgot all about the eggs as soon as they finished their meal and hurried them out. We were already on the road when I remembered.  It was one of those terrible days when Lagos traffic is a jam. On this day, the traffic was so bad that I could not turn nor even find a space to park my car. My choices were limited. I thought of leaving the car there with the kids inside but it cut no ice. What about getting somewhere to park and then do what with a three year old boy and his four year old sibling? Could there be an alternative? I found none. Now, I knew I was in deep trouble. I hollered at those in front: no one seemed to care in the world about my dilemma. I must have the image of a loose nut (a mental case of sorts) but if there was ever a case of the devil and the deep red sea, this was it. Should leave the infants in the car and run home in order to go put off a fire I was sure had started? The little amount of water I reasoned was sufficient to cook two eggs would by then have dried up. See my cross?

After fretting and cursing and raging, I recalled a testimony I once heard about how God had saved a family from fire. This woman had used petrol for kerosene and had used kerosene for petrol. She had successfully cooked dinner with the stove and her husband had turned the entire four litres kerosene into their generator. It was the failure of the generator to start that alerted the family to the fact that there had been an swap. To confirm the mix up, they checked the now cooling stove and found the very highly flammable petrol coolly resting in the stove tank and it dawned on them that God had just taken them through a Daniel in the Lion's den experience. That was what made to start praying by asking God to intervene and make my case another such uncommon testimony. I asked that God should just do what only Him can. I prayed that I would not burn down another man's house when I had yet to build mine and on and on went my prayer.

To God be the glory, He rose up on my behalf and performed His miracle.


After almost 45minutes or one hour this journey of about 10minutes ended. Immediately, I left the kids with a Sister in the church grabbed a bike and ordered him to race to my house. To the glory of God, I got home only to find that God is truly amazing.

The fire was gone, the eggs were cooked and there was still fuel in the tank. To confirm this miracle I noted that the water had barely finished when the fire went out. No other person had entered the house as we left and my doors were firmly locked when I returned.

Now for some time this week, this testimony has been playing around my mind and the Lord was insisting that I post it online. Perhaps there is someone who will be encouraged to trust God more and believe Him to take her through that impossibility after reading this testimony. I don't know why God wants me to post this testimony many years after it occurred but be sure that Jesus loves you and wants to encourage to look up to him today. God bless you and turn your trial into a huge testimony today. Jesus loves you.  

Jesus at Work: Indigent Student Returns $62million

Jesus at Work: Indigent Student Returns $62million: "What a great day it was for the Mountain of Fire and Miracles Ministries (MFM) in Lagos, Nigeria, last Saturday, the 2nd of October 2010. It..."

Indigent Student Returns $62million

What a great day it was for the Mountain of Fire and Miracles Ministries (MFM) in Lagos, Nigeria, last Saturday, the 2nd of October 2010. It was the day an indegent student was honoured by the General Overseer of MFM Worldwide, Dr. D. K. Olukoya for his exceeding sense of honesty and Christian character. The General Overseer said he was giving out a new Volkswagen Jetta and cash reward to the indegent Christian Fellowship leader because members needed to be encouraged to follow the teachings of Christ in their every day life.
For a young man who was poor and needed so much money to see him through school, he did not understand how a rare technical error was to credit his account with the whooping sum of of N6,300,000,000 (approx $62million US). Read this rare act of honest in this link http://www.nairaland.com/nigeria/topic-526022.0.html#msg6883818
God bless you as he blessed this young man. Praise the Lord!
 Larry

Impossible Situations: God flexes His muscles on behalf of my mother

FREE CANCER TREATMENT FOR UNINSURED

by Pamela Rosario

The day was almost over. As I cleaned the room in preparation for the next patient, I heard the intercom blare my name announcing a call waiting for me at the nurses’ station.

I maneuvered my way through the crowded hospital corridor and picked up the first free phone I could find. The grim tone of my brother’s voice caused my heart to leap into my throat.

“They found a large tumor on Mom’s liver.” This was not the first time we had heard the words “tumor” or “cancer.”

Six years earlier, she had fought a hard fight against colon cancer and won. However, we felt the winds of change after a kidney infection landed her in the emergency room earlier that month. Her doctor performed a blood test that indicated her cancer might have returned. The CAT scan confirmed our worst fears. The cancer had spread, or metastasized, to her liver.

“What are we going to do?” Alan’s voice broke through my stunned silence.

After asking a few more questions about my mother’s test results, all I could say was, “I’ll call you back.”

I left the desk and found my husband in another area of the emergency room where we both worked as nurses. I shared the news with him and other co-workers who were standing by. Concerned looks and pats on the shoulder were all they could offer in the way of a solution. My husband turned to me. “What about Rhonda?”

Spurred on by a glimmer of hope, I grabbed the phone. My hands shook as I dialed the number. The din of the emergency room grew faint as I waited for the familiar voice to answer.

“Hey, Rhon. It’s Pam. Can you talk for a minute?”

“What’s wrong?” she asked.

I launched into the story without taking a breath. “Mom has a tumor on her liver. Alan told me her doctor said he can’t operate because it is wrapped around a major blood vessel. What can I do? Who can I take her

to?”

Then came the inevitable question, “What kind of insurance does she have?”

I took a deep breath “She doesn’t have any."

The silence that followed was shattered by my friend’s determined voice, “Pam, give me a minute and I will call you back.” The phone went dead.

As I waited, my heart began to sink. How would my mother get the care she needed? Mom had survived two major surgeries, six weeks of radiation, and eighteen months of chemotherapy. After she went into remission, my parents tried to obtain some sort of health coverage for her. All of these efforts were fruitless. Because of her history, no conventional insurance company would touch her. She was too young for Medicare, and when she tried applying for Medicaid, she was told she would have to divorce my father in order to qualify for benefits.

After fifty years of marriage, this was not an option. Furthermore, even if we had the funds, where would she get a doctor? Few surgeons in the state would call themselves qualified to tackle such a case, and, if they did, it could take months to get an appointment. Our  chances seemed bleak. It was an impossible situation.

Throughout the Bible, we find story after story of men and women surrounded by circumstances that had no viable solution. In the Old Testament, we read about a couple of senior citizens waiting for a promised child to be born. Let us not forget the runaway murderer commissioned by God to lead Israel out of centuries of slavery against the super power of his day. How about the Israeli leader who needed more hours of daylight in order to defeat the enemy? All of these were impossible situations.

In the New Testament, we can feel the anxiety of the disciples as five thousand hungry people waited for the meal Jesus announced that He would provide. Ponder this: Lazarus was dead. Mary and Martha were

racked with grief when Jesus finally arrived three days later. “Where were you?” they cried. More impossible situations.

The list goes on and on, but with every insurmountable obstacle, God comes through. Abraham and Sarah have a healthy baby boy. Moses brings the children of Israel out of bondage after four hundred years of

oppression while being chased by the entire Egyptian army. Joshua defeated the enemy when God made the sun stand still. Jesus not only fed five thousand men, but also all the women and children who were

there with food to spare. Much to the delight of Mary and Martha, Jesus brought Lazarus back to life. When the world shakes its head and announces there is no way, God flexes His muscles on behalf of those

whose hearts are loyal to Him, (2 Chronicles 16:9).

Replaying the events of that day, I feel humbled and honored at the evidence of God’s hand at work in Mom’s life. Little did I know that God would use an old friendship to bring about a new solution. When

the call finally came, Rhonda’s voice rang full of confidence.

“Pam, the doctor I work for has agreed to see your Mom. He is one of the best trauma surgeons in Florida. And, because of where her tumor is located, we are going to enroll her in the teaching program so all

her hospital costs will be covered. She won’t have to pay for a thing.”

Friend, are you facing an impossible situation? Perhaps a loved one has been touched by an unexpected illness like my mother, or your checkbook shows more withdrawals than deposits. If so, just remember

what God asked Jeremiah in chapter 32, verse 27: “Behold, I am the Lord, the God of all flesh; is there anything too difficult for me?”

When we see obstacles, God sees opportunities. God is ready, willing, and able to do all that we need. Turn the burden over to Him, ignite your faith, and watch the hand of God turn your situation around.

Sent in by Pastor McKivett